Hope you’re all really well. As you know, I’m a Mumma to two children. My little girl is now 6 months old and my oldest is 4….where does the time go!
I thought I’d give you my Top 3 tips for setting boundaries with visitors as a new parent.
1. You decide when you get visitors
Everybody loves a new baby. The baby smell, the cuddles, the excitement of a new family member. However, when you’ve just had a baby you’re often… EXHAUSTED, often not sleeping and getting used to your new routine of midnight wakeups, nappy changing and baby feeding. As well as taking time out to bond as family and get to know your new little person. The last thing that you want all of your friends, family and sometimes even distant relatives. You know, your second cousin, once removed…. Cher! Don’t you remember her!…you both went to that wedding once….. turning up on the same day.
Then spend days running round after them, making tea and serving biscuits whilst they cuddle your little one. When all you really feel like doing that day is having a big cuppa tea and a nap on the sofa.
So what do you? Well…you can decide in advance what’s best for you and your family. Speak with your partner and consider the following: –
- Who would we want to see in the first few days?
- Who would we want to visit us?
- Limiting time spent together
- Limiting the amount of visitors or people you see in a day.
- You can still choose to say no on the day. You’re not being selfish to put your family first
- Who would we prefer to visit?
You may decide that only certain family members can visit in the first few days and weeks. Maybe your parents or people who can get stuck in and give you a hand. Or might decide to visit them instead when you’re feeling good.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
When you have a new baby you often feel like you want to be SUPERMUM….no one wants to feel like their failing or not doing enough. But you don’t have to do everything straight away. Nobody is expecting you to be perfect, never mind some kind of superhero mother. And it’s ok to ask for help if you need it. Let’s face it being a parent is bloody tough! Those early days with our little one are absolutely exhausting and we should be turning to our friends and family who we love and trust, to help support us when we need it in those days.
Our lives are filled with women who appear to do it all. Work long hours but have immaculate homes. Coming out of hospital with Kimmy K makeup and Instagramable lives…. but let’s face it, non of it’s real!… So let’s forget about all of the BS and just support each other!
So when we have visitors, rather than running round making them tea. Remember you’re the one who’s had a baby. Point them in the direction of the kitchen, let them know where the tea bags are and tell them how you like your tea…”strong, milk no sugar please”.
You could even ask them to bring some food. Whether it’s bringing your family lasagnes or shepherd’s pie. So you can have a lovely nutritious meal that you can, easily bung in the oven when you’re too tired to prepare it. It’ll mean so much more to you than baby clothes too.
If you need shopping, ask them to pick something up on the way. Or if your hallway needs a good mop or hoover, don’t be afraid to ask them for what you need. Those close friends and family members who love you will want to help, you’ve just had a baby, so let them help you for a while instead of you doing all the running about.
3. Plan ahead & Communicate effectively
Decide as a family what you’d like in those early days and share with your family and friends in advance.
This makes setting boundaries sooo much easier and you don’t have to have any awkward or difficult conversations. If you wait until after you’ve had your little one, it’s so much more difficult to say no when you’re struggling with lack of sleep when you find someone you haven’t seen since you were at school turn up at your door hoping for newborn cuddles.
The key is to make these decisions then communicate them in the kindest way. If you want time to just bond together, with your new little one, tell your family and arrange a time and place where you can dedicate quality time together. This could be going for a walk with the pram on their day off or staying over after a few months, but whatever you decide make sure it suits your new little family as you don’t need to put unnecessary pressure on yourself.
Hope these Top 3 tips for setting boundaries with visitors as a new parent were useful. If you’re interested in finding out more about Antenatal or Postnatal classes visit: – Glowing Mummas Courses
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